Nilsrant.

Tony, my esteemed colleague who sits opposite me has been doing a bit of research in the leadup to him spending another month at our floundering UK plant. In his travels on the information superhighway, he chanced upon "A Guide To Implementing the Theory of Constraints". While much of the site is serious business, pertaining to production management and the like, there was one section he found, and forwarded to me, which I have included below. On it's own, it is only moderately humorous. I can accept the fact that some people will read it and fail to find it funny. However, for people (like Tony and myself) working for a company that has a penchant for sado-necro-beastiality (that is to say "flogging the dead horse"), hilarity ensued.

Dakota tribal wisdom says that when you discover you’re riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. However in business we often try other strategies with dead horses, including the following;

Buy a stronger whip.

Change riders.

Threaten the horse with termination.

Say things like, “This is the way we have always ridden this horse.”

Appoint a committee to study the horse.

Arrange to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.

Lower the standards so that dead horses can be included.

Appoint a tiger team to revive the dead horse.

Ride the dead horse “outside the box.”

Buy a commercial off-the-shelf dead horse.

Create a training session to increase our riding ability.

Reclassify the dead horse as “living-impaired.”

Compare the state of dead horses in today’s environment.

Change the autopsy report to declare that “This horse is not dead.”

Kill all the other horses, so this one will look the same.

Name the dead horse “Paradigm Shift” and keep riding it.

Ride the dead horse “smarter” not harder.

Hire outside contractors to ride the dead horse.

Harness several dead horses together for increased speed.

Do a time management study to see if the lighter riders would improve productivity.

Declare that “No horse is too dead to beat.”

Call the dead horse a “joint venture” and let others ride it.

Provide additional funding to increase the horse’s performance.

Do a cost analysis study to see if contractors can ride it cheaper.

Purchase an aftermarket product to make dead horses run faster.

Declare the horse is “better, faster, and cheaper” dead.

Form a quality circle to find uses for dead horses.

Declare that “This horse was procured with cost as an independent variable.”

Get the horse a Web site.

Promote the horse to a supervisory position.

Yippie-aye-o-kai-aye, motherfucker.